I have been having issues with just letting go. Now that may seem like random thing to be struggling with but its something that I have always had a problem with, even before I was a Christian. When there is obvious sin that clearly affecting my walk with Christ, I absolutely refuse to let it go. I may ask God to redeem me of this sin but in the back of my mind I am not 100% fully willing to let it go. Its like my security blanket just in case something back fires.
This Sunday at church, the sermon hit me hard. It felt like a million bricks fell on me at once. The sermon revolved around this text.
One Sabbath he was going through the grainfields, and as they made their way, his disciples began to pluck heads of grain. And the Pharisees were saying to him, “Look, why are they doing what is not lawful on the Sabbath?” And he said to them, “Have you never read what David did, when he was in need and was hungry, he and those who were with him:how he entered the house of God, in the time of Abiathar the high priest, and ate the bread of the Presence, which it is not lawful for any but the priests to eat, and also gave it to those who were with him?” And he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. So the Son of Man is lord even of the Sabbath.” Again he entered the synagogue, and a man was there with a withered hand. And they watched Jesus, to see whether he would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse him. And he said to the man with the withered hand, “Come here.” And he said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to kill?” But they were silent. And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored. The Pharisees went out and immediately held counsel with the Herodians against him, how to destroy him.
Mark 2:23-28; Mark 3:1-6
I have read the book of Mark several times and it really never affected me, but on Sunday every single word hit me harder and harder. I am the type of person that refuses to cry in front of other people. At church I just couldn't keep it hidden. What hit home the most was that Christ was asking me to come rest in him, to cast all my burdens on him, to stop trying to fix everything yourself, to just give up my feeble attempt to cure myself. Its such a simple concept something so small, but with every fiber in my being I refuse to let it go. I think I am so stuck in this sin that I don't even know how to let it go.
TBC......
