Letting go

I always imagined my blog to be something of tool to be used for God's glory, for someone to read it and then their eyes be opened to the truth that is gospel. However, as time progressed I realized that through this blog I have been truly blessed beyond measure. I feel that I can truly write how I feel and slowly but surely, Christ steps in and mends my heart.

 I have been having issues with just letting go. Now that may seem like random thing to be struggling with but its something that I have always had a problem with, even before I was a Christian. When there is obvious sin that clearly affecting my walk with Christ, I absolutely refuse to let it go. I may ask God to redeem me of this sin but in the back of my mind I am not 100% fully willing to let it go. Its like my security blanket just in case something back fires.

This Sunday at church, the sermon hit me hard. It felt like a million bricks fell on me at once. The sermon revolved around this text.

One Sabbath he was going through the grainfields, and as they made their way, his disciples began to pluck heads of grain. And the Pharisees were saying to him, “Look, why are they doing what is not lawful on the Sabbath?” And he said to them, “Have you never read what David did, when he was in need and was hungry, he and those who were with him:how he entered the house of God, in the time of Abiathar the high priest, and ate the bread of the Presence, which it is not lawful for any but the priests to eat, and also gave it to those who were with him?” And he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. So the Son of Man is lord even of the Sabbath.” Again he entered the synagogue, and a man was there with a withered hand. And they watched Jesus, to see whether he would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse him. And he said to the man with the withered hand, “Come here.” And he said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to kill?” But they were silent. And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored. The Pharisees went out and immediately held counsel with the Herodians against him, how to destroy him.

Mark 2:23-28; Mark 3:1-6

I have read the book of Mark several times and it really never affected me, but on Sunday every single word hit me harder and harder. I am the type of person that refuses to cry in front of other people. At church I just couldn't keep it hidden. What hit home the most was that Christ was asking me to come rest in him, to cast all my burdens on him, to stop trying to fix everything yourself, to just give up my feeble attempt to cure myself. Its such a simple concept something so small, but with every fiber in my being I refuse to let it go. I think I am so stuck in this sin that I don't even know how to let it go.

TBC......

When your relationship with God suffers, so does all of your other relationships

"When your relationship with God suffers, so does all of your other relationships. Fight to find time alone with God." Andy Mineo 

So I read this quote a few days ago and it has really been resounding in my head since. I have been struggling with wanting friends and having a since of community with my fellow bother and sisters in Christ. My first response to lack of friends was to blame them and to say that they are just to closed minded and don't want to open up there hearts up. Then I read this and I had to take a step back and view my life and how I have been living it lately and to be honest my walk has been horrible. Sin has been something that I have been trying to fight but now I just give in. Reading my word everyday was something that I looked forward to, now reading is more of a chore. Going to church was something that I really enjoyed now I just go because it something to do on a Sunday. 

I realize that all of these things are happening in front of me and and to be be brutally honest I don't really care and that is what scares me the most. 

I really have no idea how I got to this point or why I let it get to this point. I'm tired of going through the motions. I want that relationship that I once had with Christ I just don't know how to get back to the point.

I'm just stuck in this rut.....

Moore, OK

So today has been really challenging day and it has also been the most rewarding day of my life. I was able to go to Moore, OK with my co-workers. I hadn't really watched any news  about the Tornado that hit Moore so I wasn't really sure what I would see when I got there. 

 Neighbors were completely gone, I could imagine having your house there one minute and the next everything being taken from you. 

 The house above 2nd Story completely  gone on the back side. Luckily the women was out of town and no one was hurt.

Bits and pieces of people life now all mashed together in one giant pile. 

 This car was turned on its side in someones front yard.

 The amazing group of people that I work with. I love my job and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. 

 I can't really put into words how great God is even through the toughest of storms and the greatest of trails.

 Peoples homes gone

 Its hard to trust in God when everything you have is gone in an instant, truth is he is all you will ever need. No disaster, hardship or any trail can ever take you away or separate you from him.

 Even though everything is gone they will rebuild. 

These guys are amazing they sacrificed there Saturday to spend it helping other people and serving them more than they will ever know.

I'm speechless as to what to say. I enjoyed so much being able to serve the people in Moore today. Knowing that I will never get anything in return makes it even better. I ask that you pray for these people and  serve these people if you can in some way.

 If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. (James 2:15-17, ESV)

God is so amazing!

It has been incredibaly difficult for me and my mom right now financially. A few months ago I lost the job I was at and as a result racked up some debt. I then got a job were I was barely making enough money to pay my bills and many times I simply didn't have the money to pay bills. Now I have this amazing job making plenty of money but I'm so deep into debt that my paychecks go to pay back the debt that I havent been able to pay for the past few months.

However, through all of this I know God is so amazing because I have been caring this stress on my shoulder for months now and I finally couldn't take it anymore and had a break down two nights ago.God just said ask for help tell your bible study group tell the church. Just tell someone! So last night I told them, and they prayed for me and offered to help me and it was amazing to see how the comforted me and we're there for me.

God is just so amazing!!!

Its all been taken care of

A lot has been going on in my life and it is amazing to see how God has had his hand in everything. I was finally able to quit my amazing job a Payless ( I am joking, I hated that job), and start a company that I truly love doing what I truly love to do. However, I know that I didn't take much time to thank God for how his hand was truly in me landing this job. 

For instance, the minimum GPA for this job was a 3.5, my GPA was well bellow that.

My credit had to be in good standing, which due to some circumstance that were out of my control have caused my credit to not be in such good standing.

 In all of this, I see that God opened doors for me. 

When you really think about it I really don't deserve any of this. The nights that I would literally worry myself sick about how I was going to pay my bills. The days when I wasn't quite sure I was going to make it. God already had it taken care of. There was no reason for me to worry or to cry or to make myself sick with worry about how things were going to come together, when the Creator of the Universe had it all taken care of. 

Right now things are far from perfect and far from easy, but I know that Christ has it all taken care of. 

Constant Struggle

I really have no idea why, when I am dead tired, I get this deep urge to write a blog post. I have actually been fighting the urge to write a post for a few weeks now. I didn't really want to air out how I have been feeling. I just hoped that if I ignored it for awhile it would quietly just go away and I could act like it everything was okay. 

Well surprise.... surprise, it did not go away. It just kept building and building to the point that it kind of just overflowed.

I've kind of just abandoned Christ. I am moving further and further away and I am not really making any effort to find my way back. I go through the motions. I go to church and go to bible study when I can, but outside of that I make no other effort to get closer to Christ. 

I have made no effort to open my bible and read it. I have made no effort to even pray. The thing that scares me the most is that,  I am comfortable with this and I know that I shouldn't be. 

I am more concerned with things that are not even remotely important.  Like finding a job, not the fact that my relationship with Christ is almost non-existent. 

The other day me and my mom got into a fight and she said something that really shook me. She said " Chelcie, you have changed, you aren't the same Christian you were when you came back from college." It shook me up pretty bad because my mom isn't even a Christian and for non-christian to tell me that made me really think.

The more I sat and thought about it, the more I realized how true it was. I'm not the same. I have taken 50 steps backwards and slowly but surely the old me is starting to coming back.  

 I realized I have no one to hold me accountable.The sad fact is I have really not made any effort to pray of seek anyone out to help me, to hold me accountable.

 I know that I can't do this on my own but, I'm not really sure where to start. 

King

Lets establish that He' Israel' King
So in Matthew 1 and 1 and on the 1:17,
We see His lineage and trace way back into time
That legally He was fine in the Davidic line
And genealogically He' still King of the Jews
Cause the Book of Luke exposes genetical clues
See a true King
though He didn't do it in the physical,
He brought a new covenant to free 'im in the spiritual
And after sometime,
Wise men from the east came looking for the new born king in the streets
I know some of you dudes may cruise a foreRunner
But Christ had the dude He used as a forerunner
And no promoter gunna cut it like the John the Baptist
You need publicity stunts so you datin' an actress
A real King has somebody bringin' the news
That his kingdoms ahead and they ain't fit to lace up his shoes
So tell me who's the one anointing all these so called kings?
They all self proclaimed and man, that's a dangerous thing