50 Million miles away

This is something that I really didn't want to write.

However, the Lord with his awesome ways has been pricking me at my heart to the point that it has become extremely heavy on my mind and on my heart and the only way to stop the heaviness is to let it go.

I have been extremely struggling in my walk with the Lord.... There I said it!!

I don't know why that was so hard for me to admit. I mean I am a Christian and as a Christian I don't struggle with anything at all... or that's what I thought.

I know we as Christians refuse to admit when we struggle with anything, its like once we admit that we have a problem with something we have lost this amazing grace that the Lord has given us.

I am ashamed to admit that I believed that for so long.
 Also we as Christian when we do admit that we have problems with things its along the lines of, (I haven't read my bible in a week or I haven't been praying enough), now I am not saying that those are not real struggles that people do go through. I am just saying that  we do not dig deep enough to figure out what causes these problems.

Now back to my main point, I am struggling so much with my walk with the Lord. I haven't read my bible in about a month in half, I couldn't tell you the last time I prayed. Yes I go to church but I don't get much out of it.

I found though in this struggle that it didn't just happen. I didn't just wake up one morning and decide that I don't want to pray or read my bible and get nothing out of church.

I started to attribute God's blessings as something that I have been doing and slowly but surely I just started to believe that I don't really need God in my day to day activities so surely but slowly I started to cut him out of my life.

As of right now I am 50 million miles away from God and I am having a hard time finding my way back.